love and heretics

It's better to light a candle than curse the darkness

What’s it gotz in its pocketzz? (or more on magical thinking)

As a child, I was a great lover of all types of reptiles and rodents. I regularly had a frog or lizard in my hand. Feeling its heart beat pulse against my hand or fingers….letting it go again….I remember being in Kindergarten, and having a favorite maroon jacket. It had a cloth white inner lining, but it was very thin.I remember putting my fingers and thumb in the pocket and finding some little lumps under the lining. They were sowed in.I would feel the lumps, between my finger and thumb. I felt them go “thump” “thump” “thump” “thump”. It frightened me. I began to wonder what it could be. I thought, is a tiny frog in my pocket? It felt quite like its heartbeat i could feel through its tummy when i held it.

I told my teacher, she brushed me aside. Looked into the pocket and told me I was imagining it. (used to my endless quires) I told my father and mother. Afraid to wear the jacket. There was something alive in my pocket!!!They took the jacket and looked and felt inside the pockets. Nothing. (of course it wouldn’t show up when anyone else looked!!!) i put it on again the next day. It happened again. “thump thump” “thump thump” “thump thump”…..

Oh the horrors. There was something in my pocket and no one would believe me!~!!

It wasn’t until i was much older that I finally realized the heartbeat sensation I felt was my own pulse. 😀


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